Passion of the Cheese::

I think my ultimate goal is to just never need to sleep. Silly, you say? Unttainable you say? Misguided,you say? Well I say shut your pie hole, nobody asked for your crappy opinion, which, by the way, is stupid. Whoa. That's lack of sleep talking. Wait, no...that's me talking, I forgot, I'm a prick.

So look, it's not like I don't like to sleep. I love to sleep. Sleeping could conceivably be the best part of my day. On days when there's no gig of course, which lately, are few and far between. Well, few, anyway. Comparitively. But that's not the point.

The point is that at night, I just don't want to go to bed. Sitting on the couch, or here in front of my computer, typing, eyelids drooping, body begging for sweet rest, I just don't want to fall asleep. I want to stay up all night, and quite often, I do. See, I have what we in the biz call "flex time," which basically means that as long as I cram 40 hours of work into seven days, I don't get fired. So if I stay up till say, 3 AM, like tonight, I can go in tomorrow at, say, never, and it'll be, as they say, "all good." So sleep can wait, for there are more pressing issues to be discussed.

No, I haven't seen "The Passion of the Christ," and goddamn it, I'm not going to. I can already tell that it's just a complete exploitation of people's beliefs and religion enabling mel gibson (whose name I refuse to capitalize since he is, in fact, the devil) to make money off all those years my parents spent instilling a huge healthy helping of catholic guilt in me. Mel gibson can suck on my salty testes, he's not getting my 8 bucks.

Now keep in mind I haven't seen the movie, but I reserve the right to be completely closed minded about just about everything, so screw off. And just the other day, on easter sunday, I got into a somewhat heated conversation with my aunt wherein she expressed her complete shock that I hadn't seen it yet, because it was "so realistic," and "that's the way it really happened." To which I replied, "Oh really? Were you there? Did the movie bear a striking resemblance to your own eyewitnessed memory of the shocking events leading up to the crucifiction?"

Then again, I'm just a pissed off kinda guy. I just hate it when people make assumptions like, that the events described in the bible actually happened, which has yet to be proven, or that they happened in any one particular way, or that one story is more credible than the next, because when it all boils down to it, there's really no absolute proof of anything. All you have are four stories written by four different guys, that more or less say the same thing and surprise surprise, at the time the four authors were together pretty much all the time sharing the same beliefs. Now combine that story with the all too coincidental similarities with stories about altogether different and unrelated prophets and saviors from just about every other major religion, and you know what you have? A big heaping lack of evidence. And why should I believe that? Everything else in life is don't believe what you hear, and you can't beleive your eyes, and don't trust anyone. Except in religion, some guy with no historical credentials whatsoever wants me to basically take his word on a whole system of beliefs and spirituality with not one shred of physical evidence.

And then you come at me with, well half the civilized world believes this, so it must be true. But the only reason you belive this particular story now, is that a long ass time ago, some roman emperor sat down and said, listen, this is the story we're all going to believe, and we're gonna kill anyone who refuses to believe it. Then the romans conquered most of the world, or at least europe, and the descendants of all those converted Europeans spread all over the world, bringing their crappy religions with them everywhere they went.

Now if that emperor had sat down and said, from now on we're going to worship....cheese. Cheese is our god and death to all who will not bow down to cheese. Hail cheese, in all it's terrible glory.....If he had said that, well then you'd have a big stupid commercialized hunk of cheese hanging over your bed, because cheese was eaten to pay for your sins, because you are an asshole. Everynight you would pray, oh great and merciful cheese, in your wisdom, grant me the cheesy strength to blah blah blah blah blah.

And now, as it is past 3:30 AM, and I have to work at some point tomorrow, I guess I should abruptly end with no conclusion and go to bed. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy cheese.....