Going Klunk in the Night::
I do not have time for Klunk. In fact, I do not have time for much, much more important things than Klunk, such as eating, and sleeping, and often times the blowing of noses, and generally most things, which are, in general, more important than Klunk.
Sarah Klunk. A fitting name, as it sounds like something you would hit an intruder with should they happen to break into your home and stab you with something rusty. Klunk is what I might be inclined to diplomatically call, brain-liquifyingly boring. Last time we were out, or in as it were, she proceeded to pass out on my couch and remain there, whilst I went out and got drunk with other, unrelated peoples. Then I returned, and she was still there, on my couch, which, you know, I sometimes like to sit on, still sleeping, still liquifying my brain with how boring she was. I assume she wandered home the next morning, but she might have bored herself into coma a few times on the way there.
This particular night finds me having fixed Klunk's computer on a previous occasion and being owed dinner to be paid for by said Klunk. The only problem is, I have neither the free time, nor the desire to have any meal, let alone the most sacred of meals, with friggin' Klunk. I have to admit, though, that I did agree several days ago to have dinner with said Klunk tonight, because I thought that I would be free, which in reality, I am not. Was not. I was not free because The Blue Method scheduled a previously unscheduled improptu practice for this weekends slew of shows. And honestly, I'll take practice over said Klunk anyday. In fact, I'll almost always take anything over said Klunk, including a rectal exam.
But every time that I cancel dinner with said Klunk, said Klunk reacts as though I just told her that I'm backing out of donating her a kidney. Yelling and screaming about what a horrible person I am, making plans and then breaking them at the last minute, over and over and over.....and over and over again. But the thing is, fuck you Klunk.
Look, the fact of the matter is, weeknights are a time for not being with said Klunk. They are time for merry, jolly things like watching Tivo, and practicing with the band; working late and engaging in rectal exams. Said Klunk simply does not fit into my schedule, but, being the magnanimous humanitarian that I am, I agree to grant said Klunk the pleasure of my company the next night, being tomorrow night, which I again, several hours later, had to cancel out of the sheer dread of having to go through an entire day knowing that it will end with said Klunk.
I'm having a vision.....it's my future....I see... Klunklessness. I just hope I never encounter an intruder wielding a sharp, rusty weapon.
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Sunday, May 02, 2004
Matrixilated::
Ok, so I watched "The Matrix: Reloaded" again, because I refuse to believe that it sucks as bad as just about everyone says it does, and I hate to be the guy submitting half baked theories on directoral motivation in sci-fi movies, but hey, I am that guy so I guess I can deal with a little self-loathing.
Right, so lets start off with the crazy shit, like when Neo gets to see the Architect. This scene is basically the explanation of the whole movie, and the explanation of the super complicated undercurrent of all three movies, which rules. However, If you're anything like me, when you watched the scene excitedly in the theatre for the first time, gripping someone's arm and squealing softly because, lets face it, you're a movie nerd, after you listened to the convincingly mechanical monotone soliloquoy of the architect, you took a deep breath and replied "huh? Dude, did you get that? What the fuck is he jabbering about?" And then a bunch of people who are obviously way smarter than you (yeah, right) shushed you in a very impolite way causing you to be slightly less enamoured with the film for several seconds while you berated them inappropriately with big words and harsh tones. Fuckers. But back to the point. What?
The point is, I think I figured out the second time around -- and yes, I am a little disappointed that I didn't get it the first time around, priding myself on getting things the first time around as I do, but I mean come on, he was talking super fast and in a difficult to interpret tone of voice which does not lend itself to explanation of an already difficult subject matter -- what the hell that honky cracker was talking about. What he said was, that he built the matrix and it was this perfect piece of precise mathematical art, but somehow was a resounding failure. And then the oracle, which was a program that was created to research and probe into the human psyche for better understanding and hence a better matrix, discovered that a solution to the problem of the matrix, the "bug" so to speak, was that each person had to be given a choice of whether to accept the matrix as reality, even if the choice was on a less than conscious level (insert leap of movie faith here). Consequently, since every person was given a choice, there was a small minority that refused to accept the reality of the matrix, hence the questioning nature of Neo in the first movie. In addition to this, the architect eludes to the nature of "The One" as being created or at least altered in some way by the machines. He references the "design" of Neo's predecessor's and the "code that [Neo] carries." So, the events of the second movie are orchestrated by the matrix to lead The One back to The Source, the central core, CPU of the matrix, where The One encounters The Architect who explains all this and presents the one with the choice. The first choice is: The One can fulfill his purpose, which is to enter the source and reinsert the code he carries back into the matrix essentially rebooting it, allowing all the people inside to continue living. This choice is to coincide with the destruction of the human city, Zion, and the extermination of all its inhabitants. The One is then to select a group of 23 individuals from the matrix who will rebuild Zion and start the whole process over again. The second choice is to return to the matrix, which would cause a "cataclysmic system failure" causing all the inhabitants of the matrix to be executed along with everyone in city resulting in the effective extinction of the human race. So , as you can see, it's all very simple.
What's not explaned is how the machines facilitate the creation of The One and how they "insert" the critical "code" in him which makes him the essential instrument in the success of the matrix. The other thing that is never mentioned is how exactly the first few matrices "failed." This fact is stated by the architect but never discussed. Interesting.
Another thing I found interesting about the movie was when Morpheus's Ship, The Nebuchadnezzar, is destroyed, and Morpheus says, "I have dreamed a dream, but now that dream has gone from me." This is a rather clever reference to the bible, Daniel Chapter 2 verse 3, in which the King Nebuchadnezzar had a disturbing dream, but could not remember it, and called on daniel to explain it to him. Daniel told him that he dreamt of a statue made of five different pieces with a head of gold, and that crumbled and fell. He told him that the five pieces were kingdoms, the gold head being Nebuchadnezzar and the other four being kngdoms and rulers to come after him. This is also referenced in the car chase scene, where one of the cars bears the license plate DA0203. Very clever. Also note that Morpheus is the god of sleep or dreams in greek mythology. Very nice.
As you can plainly see, some parts of the Matrix: Reloaded do indeed suck fat ass. A lot of the dialogue is contrived, the new characters suck...I mean Jada Pinket just sucks over all, admit it. She sucks a big fat wang, and this movie is no different. She's about as good an actor as, say, my colon. Let my colon play Naiobi, it'd do just as shitty a job. Anyway, it does suck, but I dig it, mostly because of all the hidden meanings and because most people just don't understand it.
There is a ton of info like the above to be read on this subject. My favorite::
http://www.corporatemofo.com/stories/051803matrix.htm
29 Days left as a Philadelphian...
Ok, so I watched "The Matrix: Reloaded" again, because I refuse to believe that it sucks as bad as just about everyone says it does, and I hate to be the guy submitting half baked theories on directoral motivation in sci-fi movies, but hey, I am that guy so I guess I can deal with a little self-loathing.
Right, so lets start off with the crazy shit, like when Neo gets to see the Architect. This scene is basically the explanation of the whole movie, and the explanation of the super complicated undercurrent of all three movies, which rules. However, If you're anything like me, when you watched the scene excitedly in the theatre for the first time, gripping someone's arm and squealing softly because, lets face it, you're a movie nerd, after you listened to the convincingly mechanical monotone soliloquoy of the architect, you took a deep breath and replied "huh? Dude, did you get that? What the fuck is he jabbering about?" And then a bunch of people who are obviously way smarter than you (yeah, right) shushed you in a very impolite way causing you to be slightly less enamoured with the film for several seconds while you berated them inappropriately with big words and harsh tones. Fuckers. But back to the point. What?
The point is, I think I figured out the second time around -- and yes, I am a little disappointed that I didn't get it the first time around, priding myself on getting things the first time around as I do, but I mean come on, he was talking super fast and in a difficult to interpret tone of voice which does not lend itself to explanation of an already difficult subject matter -- what the hell that honky cracker was talking about. What he said was, that he built the matrix and it was this perfect piece of precise mathematical art, but somehow was a resounding failure. And then the oracle, which was a program that was created to research and probe into the human psyche for better understanding and hence a better matrix, discovered that a solution to the problem of the matrix, the "bug" so to speak, was that each person had to be given a choice of whether to accept the matrix as reality, even if the choice was on a less than conscious level (insert leap of movie faith here). Consequently, since every person was given a choice, there was a small minority that refused to accept the reality of the matrix, hence the questioning nature of Neo in the first movie. In addition to this, the architect eludes to the nature of "The One" as being created or at least altered in some way by the machines. He references the "design" of Neo's predecessor's and the "code that [Neo] carries." So, the events of the second movie are orchestrated by the matrix to lead The One back to The Source, the central core, CPU of the matrix, where The One encounters The Architect who explains all this and presents the one with the choice. The first choice is: The One can fulfill his purpose, which is to enter the source and reinsert the code he carries back into the matrix essentially rebooting it, allowing all the people inside to continue living. This choice is to coincide with the destruction of the human city, Zion, and the extermination of all its inhabitants. The One is then to select a group of 23 individuals from the matrix who will rebuild Zion and start the whole process over again. The second choice is to return to the matrix, which would cause a "cataclysmic system failure" causing all the inhabitants of the matrix to be executed along with everyone in city resulting in the effective extinction of the human race. So , as you can see, it's all very simple.
What's not explaned is how the machines facilitate the creation of The One and how they "insert" the critical "code" in him which makes him the essential instrument in the success of the matrix. The other thing that is never mentioned is how exactly the first few matrices "failed." This fact is stated by the architect but never discussed. Interesting.
Another thing I found interesting about the movie was when Morpheus's Ship, The Nebuchadnezzar, is destroyed, and Morpheus says, "I have dreamed a dream, but now that dream has gone from me." This is a rather clever reference to the bible, Daniel Chapter 2 verse 3, in which the King Nebuchadnezzar had a disturbing dream, but could not remember it, and called on daniel to explain it to him. Daniel told him that he dreamt of a statue made of five different pieces with a head of gold, and that crumbled and fell. He told him that the five pieces were kingdoms, the gold head being Nebuchadnezzar and the other four being kngdoms and rulers to come after him. This is also referenced in the car chase scene, where one of the cars bears the license plate DA0203. Very clever. Also note that Morpheus is the god of sleep or dreams in greek mythology. Very nice.
As you can plainly see, some parts of the Matrix: Reloaded do indeed suck fat ass. A lot of the dialogue is contrived, the new characters suck...I mean Jada Pinket just sucks over all, admit it. She sucks a big fat wang, and this movie is no different. She's about as good an actor as, say, my colon. Let my colon play Naiobi, it'd do just as shitty a job. Anyway, it does suck, but I dig it, mostly because of all the hidden meanings and because most people just don't understand it.
There is a ton of info like the above to be read on this subject. My favorite::
http://www.corporatemofo.com/stories/051803matrix.htm
29 Days left as a Philadelphian...
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